RDeep thoughts....

Seriously though, i am finding myself at a cusp. I'm just not sure and as with the clock ticking...I feel I must hurry. But to what and where? I don't know. But i do know i'm tired of just letting life take me whereever. Granted, it did take me to sound-bar/ map room this weekend, which in my opinion, was really nice of it. Thanks life!

But i digress. I guess i've lived most of my life with some goal. Except for my first two years of undergrad. I find it interesting in those years i had no goal back then. I just did whatever, and things were a mess. Now, things are great. I've probably have more than i've ever had in regards to stability as well as a community, but something is just a miss.

I sometimes wonder if life must be lived with some type of meaning. Is the saying that "if you live for nothing you'll die for nothing" true? That quote is from star trek - in case your wondering - by a pointed ear friend. Again, i don't know. Plus its not very fun asking questions in which one does know the answer to :) Its great going to school, cuz you know what your aiming for, and its easy for your told what you need to do. But now there is no syllabus. I do know i don't want to settle down (granted there's not too many people i can settle down with, aka, zero) BUT irregardless i guess the nomad in me wants to go roaming.

If I do, i'm leaving quite a bit; figuratively as well as literally. My parents are in good health, and I will be able to spend even less time with them if i go roaming. I don't know. But, I believe the fact of the situation is that if I do remain in chicago, chances are...I should not expect things to be very different from the month before. Unless i do something differnt. I think the scariest thing though concerning change though is that sometimes you don't know how good you really have it...till its gone.

I guess what i can't seem to understand, there is so much to see and learn about the world, the idea of building a nest just seems so insane to me.